We all get concerned when our kids are sick. When they have ear infections and fevers, sore throats and swollen glands, it is  off to the pediatrician we go. That is how I spent the past 4 days with Julia. She has been battling double ear infections with high fevers up to 105. Concerning to any of us, true. Except at the bottom of it all is the unspoken fear that all parents of cancer warriors and survivors have in the pit of our stomach. The nodes on the side of her neck are like marbles protruding from her insides. She is so sick that with Motrin in her system, her temperature is still running up to 102.5. Logically I KNOW this is the reaction of a child’s body that has been slammed with chemo and radiation for the past 5 years. She is still slightly immunocompromised and as her nurse said to me during one of my panicked phone calls, “Just consider what we have done to her little body …” She is right, I know, and that idea in it’s own right breaks my heart. What have we done to her in order to keep her alive?

But she has come through so many storms and so now I wonder and worry if this is the beginning of another. I never want to miss a sign that the leukemia is back yet again.

To make a long story a bit less dramatic and drawn out and to get right to the heart of things, Julia has been scheduled for Tuesday to have the tubes placed in her ears. 7 1/2 years old seems old to me to be getting this procedure, but it also seems too much to me that she has had congestion, sinus infections, ear infections and an old fashioned runny nose. I do not remember a time that she has not had a need for tissues and had to keep a box close by. Seriously … BOOGERS everyday of her life for the past 5 + years~!

This is good news that she is having a “normal childhood procedure” done. Yet, I am not feeling happy. I was worried that once again her Make a Wish trip would have to be rescheduled, that she wouldn’t be able to enjoy her annual “Miracle Child” appearance in the Nutcracker this year and that she would miss seeing and speaking to her friend, Miss Jenn, for the annual Children’s Miracle Network. What if she couldn’t attend the Camp Care Christmas Party?! These are the things and people that have made our past 5 holidays possible and bearable!

Thank you to the docs for making it all do-able by scheduling her this coming week ! She will be ready to rock and roll in time for all her festivities!

I am trying to find the joy of the season and relief that this is “no big deal.” Maybe if they could just guarantee me that the cancer will never come back and this will be the last scare we will ever have …

Thanks for thinking of her and of us and for sending up any prayers and thoughts you can on Tuesday! We appreciate it more than you can ever imagine!

Peace,

K

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